Infidelity breaks trust, flips your world upside down and leaves emotional wreckage in its wake. It’s not just about a broken relationship—it’s about the mental and emotional toll of betrayal. For many the aftermath of infidelity feels like trauma and that’s exactly what Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) describes.
Maybe you’ve never heard of it or maybe you’re living it right now. Either way, if you’re feeling anxious, paranoid, depressed or just not like yourself, you’re not alone. PISD is real and it affects more people than you think.
What Is Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder?
Post Infidelity Stress Disorder is not an official diagnosis like PTSD, but it shares a lot of similarities. It’s a response to betrayal trauma—when someone you deeply trust violates that trust in an intimate way. Your brain and body react as if you’ve been through a life-altering event because, well, you have. Research shows that individuals who experience infidelity report significant emotional distress, similar to trauma-related symptoms. If you’ve ever thought, “Why do I feel so broken after being cheated on?” or “Why can’t I just move on?”—this might be why. PISD isn’t about being dramatic or holding a grudge. It’s a real emotional injury that takes time to heal.
Symptoms of Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
Not everyone experiences PISD the same way, but here are some common signs:
1. Intrusive Thoughts
You can’t stop thinking about the betrayal. The images, the conversations, the details—you replay them over and over even when you don’t want to. It feels like your brain is stuck in a loop and no matter how much you try to push it away it keeps coming back.
2. Emotional Numbness or Detachment
One minute you feel everything. The next you feel nothing. It’s like your emotions have short-circuited and you’re just going through the motions, disconnected from the people and things you once loved.
3. Anxiety and Hyper-vigilance
Trust has been shattered and now your brain is on high alert. You might check your partner’s phone, stalk their social media or constantly wonder if they’re lying again. Even if you’re not in a relationship anymore, you might struggle to trust anyone new.
4. Mood Swings and Depression
One day you’re angry. The next you’re crying. Then out of nowhere, you feel numb. The emotional rollercoaster of PISD can make you feel like you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.
5. Physical Symptoms
Stress doesn’t just live in your head—it shows up in your body too. You might have trouble sleeping, lose your appetite or feel like you’re always exhausted. Headaches, stomachaches and body tension are also common.
6. Self-Doubt and Low Self-Worth
Betrayal can make you question everything about yourself. “Was I not good enough?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Am I unlovable?” These thoughts are painful and unfair, but they’re a normal response to betrayal trauma.
How to Treat Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
If PISD feels overwhelming, professional treatment can help. Therapy—especially trauma-focused approaches like EMDR or cognitive behavioral therapy—can help you process the betrayal and move forward in a healthier way. Some people find individual therapy helpful while others benefit from couples therapy if they’re trying to rebuild the relationship. Medication may also be an option if symptoms of anxiety or depression become too much to handle. The key is finding a treatment plan that works for you—whether that’s therapy, support groups, mindfulness practices or a combination of different methods.
How to Overcome Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in this place. Healing is possible even if it feels out of reach right now. Here are some ways to start moving forward:
1. Let Yourself Grieve
Infidelity is a loss—the loss of trust, security and the future you thought you had. Grief comes in waves and it’s okay to feel everything: anger, sadness, confusion—even moments of relief. Let yourself feel it all without judgment.
Think of it like mourning the end of a chapter in your life. You wouldn’t rush someone grieving a loved one so don’t rush yourself either. If you need to cry in the shower, scream in your car or take a long walk to clear your mind, do it. There’s no right way to grieve—only your way.
2. Stop Looking for Closure from Them
One of the hardest parts? Accepting that the person who hurt you might never give you the apology or explanation you want. Closure comes from within. It’s about making peace with what happened without needing them to fix it.
A helpful exercise is to write a letter to them—one you never send. Say everything you need to say, then rip it up or burn it. It’s not about them seeing it; it’s about getting the words out of your head and onto paper.
3. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
Betrayal can wreck your self-esteem, but the lies your brain tells you in the aftermath aren’t the truth. When thoughts like “I’m not enough” creep in, challenge them. Would you say that to a friend in your position? Probably not. Talk to yourself with the same kindness you’d show someone else.
4. Set Boundaries
Whether you’re staying in the relationship or moving on, boundaries are key. That might mean limiting contact with your ex, setting clear expectations with a partner who wants to rebuild trust or just giving yourself space to heal without outside pressure.
5. Find a Healthy Outlet for Your Pain
Journaling, exercising, painting, screaming into a pillow—whatever helps you release some of the emotions trapped inside. Keeping it all bottled up will only make healing harder.
6. Rebuild Your Identity
Infidelity shakes up your sense of self. Now’s the time to reconnect with who you are outside of the betrayal. What makes you happy? What do you love? Start exploring again even if it feels small at first.
7. Get Support
Healing from infidelity isn’t something you have to do alone. Whether it’s through therapy for infidelity, a support group or just leaning on friends who truly have your back, talking about what you’re going through can make a huge difference.
Moving Forward
If you’re struggling with Post Infidelity Stress Disorder, be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t linear, and some days will be harder than others. But little by little, you’ll start to feel like yourself again. You are more than what happened to you. You are still whole, still worthy, and still capable of love and trust—when you’re ready.
And if you need help along the way, you’re not alone. Healing is hard, but it’s possible. And you deserve it. If you’re ready to talk to someone who truly understands, The Center for Growth & Connection is here for you. Reach out today and take that first step toward healing.
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About the Author
I love helping people experience more success in their relationships. So many individuals and couples come to me having had great success in their professional lives while struggling in their most important relationships. Whether I’m working with an individual or a couple, I help clients have healthier relationships with others and themselves, improve their connection with their partners, and become more effective at getting their relational needs met.
