There’s no doubt about it – the development and wide adaptation of digital communication tools has transformed the way we interact with each other. If you’re reading this blogpost right now, you have a device that can connect to the internet, which means – regardless of your age and lifestyle – you probably use digital technology to communicate with others to some degree.
As more and more of our communication happens digitally – remotely, facelessly, and/or not in real time – we must learn to adapt our communication methods in order to preserve meaning and connection. Because many of the ways humans have learned to communicate (facial expressions, body language & gestures, vocal tone, touch) are weakened or absent when communicating digitally, we must practice new ways of communicating that are conducive to the technology we’re using.
Communicating via digital technology certainly has both pros and cons. Digital communication can be nearly instant, making it endlessly useful for emergencies, staying connected with people who are far away, and enhanced productivity in all facets of life. It allows us to communicate with more people than we’d ever be able to gather in one place at a time. It also gives new communication ability to certain populations, whether that be those with disabilities or specific social needs, or those in remote locations. Digital technology can allow one the ability to form and maintain new relationships and communities that wouldn’t have otherwise existed. This can potentially decrease feelings of loneliness as it gives people access to a wider (even endless) variety of connections.
On the other hand, with the lack of the aforementioned live cues, misunderstandings and other communication issues via digital mediums are common. Additionally, the time and effort that it takes to communicate with someone in-person can encourage the formation of a deeper connection – which means digital communication can restrict relationships through more surface-level interactions. Especially for those who already struggle socially, some will find themselves overrelying on digital interactions and relationships, especially to avoid more challenging face-to-face interactions like confrontations or admissions. This is problematic because it can weaken someone’s in-person communication abilities over time, or in the case of adolescents, may prevent them from fully developing those communication abilities in the first place. All of these factors can ultimately lead to increased feelings of loneliness and social isolation.
In summary, digital technology expands our communication abilities in some ways and limits them in others. While balancing digital communication with face-to-face interactions is ultimately key, below are some tips for enhancing communication in the times that it is necessary to communicate digitally.
Tips for Improving Digital Communication
- Be aware of set and setting. The ability to communicate remotely means that we can have conversations with people at times and in places that we wouldn’t have been able to before. Be conscious of when and where you’re deciding to hold conversations – pay attention to your mood and surroundings.
- Eliminate distractions. When you’re not physically sharing the same space as the person you’re communicating with, it can be easy to let your attention wander. In addition to choosing your location intentionally, turn off other notifications on your device and reduce other stimuli if possible.
- Choose your medium with intention. Different types of conversations within different kinds of relationships are better suited to different forms of digital communication. If you’re preparing to have an emotional conversation, it may be wise to communicate via phone or video chat so that emotion can be more clearly expressed through vocal tone and facial expressions. Response time is an important factor to consider as well.
- Read written messages carefully. Fight the urge to skim and respond. Reading through the message multiple times or reading it out loud might be helpful.
- Use written or verbal acknowledgement/validation. While body language based acknowledgment cues, such as eye-contact and nodding, may not be possible through faceless communication forms, one can use written or verbal acknowledgment cues such as, “I understand”, “I see what you mean”, “That makes sense”. In longer conversations, summarizing what you think the other person is trying to communicate can be a helpful way of determining whether you’re both on the same page or not.
- Use emojis or reaction features. While this tool is obviously not appropriate in all contexts, emojis or reaction features can stand in as a replacement for facial expressions to express empathy or communicate understanding.
- Respond thoughtfully. An advantage of some forms of digital communication is the ability to take time before responding. This can allow you to respond more carefully and intentionally than reacting in real-time conversations.
- Ask clarifying questions. Especially in slower forms of digital communication such as email, it can be tempting to ignore or guess about things that we don’t immediately understand. Instead, if, after reading one’s message several times, there is something in the message that you don’t understand, you should ask for clarification.
- Practice empathy. A lack of certain emotional cues can make empathy over remote communication more difficult, but the advantage of having more time to respond is that you can use it to consciously practice putting yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to take a moment to understand what the person is feeling before responding.
- Don’t type over someone. If you can see the person is typing, stop typing yourself until they’ve sent their messages.
- Reply to individual messages if you can. Text based, non-live communication allows us to send multiple messages about multiple topics at once before the other person has a chance to reply. If you are replying to multiple messages about multiple subjects, use the “reply to” feature (if your messaging platform allows it) to clarify which of your responses is directed to which message.
- Be aware of your audience. Text slang and emojis have different meanings to different people. If you’re communicating with an individual, keep in mind their age, cultural background, and even device type (in the case of emojis) when choosing your words and emojis.
- Mind your tone. Texting has its own set of social cues that are communicated through punctuation, capitalization, spelling, and emojis. Be mindful of your use of these cues to ensure that you are sending the message you’re trying to send.
- Use tone indicators. Sometimes, conveying tone clearly over written communication just isn’t possible. Tone indicators can help clarify the meaning of your words. To learn more about tone indicators and how to use them, visit https://toneindicators.carrd.co/#.
- Follow up. Especially after an emotional or serious conversation, check back in with the person in the days that follow to see how they’re doing.
- Set boundaries. You can set different boundaries with different people about what kinds of conversations you’re willing to have remotely versus in person.
If you’re struggling with communication issues of any kind, we’re here to help. Schedule a free twenty-minute consultation with one of our therapists today.
Michelle Cantrell, LPCC is the Founder and Clinical Director for the Center for Growth and Connection where we specialize in helping clients develop healthier, more satisfying relationships with others and with themselves. We offer telehealth and in-person appointments in Pasadena and Encino, CA.
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About the Author
I love helping people experience more success in their relationships. So many individuals and couples come to me having had great success in their professional lives while struggling in their most important relationships. Whether I’m working with an individual or a couple, I help clients have healthier relationships with others and themselves, improve their connection with their partners, and become more effective at getting their relational needs met.
