Ways to Stay Connected in a Long Distance Relationship

In my last blog post, I decided to explore common communication barriers that I’ve witnessed in my couples work over the years. One of those barriers is physical distance – digital communication, which long distance relationships usually rely heavily on, can sometimes lead to miscommunications – plus, the additional energy it takes to keep in touch can lead to under-communicating over time. But writing about the issue got me thinking – while staying connected with a long distance partner can be especially challenging, I’ve seen many examples of successful LDRs. Keeping the relationship emotionally healthy may require a bit more intention and creativity than in a non-distanced relationship, but in a way, this extra effort it asks of both partners can give the relationship an even stronger foundation. 

Today’s blog post is going to look at ways to stay connected in a long distance relationship. These tips and ideas were gathered from actual couples actively navigating the challenges of long-distance as well as my own experience working with individuals and couples in LDRs. If you and your partner are looking for ways to stay connected while physically apart, keep reading!

Tips for Maintaining Connection in Long Distance Relationships

‍Send each other written letters or postcards. When the majority of your interactions happen remotely, physical and tangible forms of communication are all the more special and meaningful. There’s also an intimacy and personality to receiving a message written in someone’s own handwriting. Letters serve not only as a form of communication, but also a physical manifestation of one’s thoughts and feelings. They’re the gift that keeps on giving – no doubt your letter will be cherished and reread. Letters are wonderful not only because of the impact they have on the receiver, but also because they give the writer a chance to reflect on and sit in the loving feelings one has towards their partner. Letter writing shows a special effort and thoughtfulness – it means that you were thinking about the person enough to sit down, go through the process of organizing and articulating your thoughts, and take a trip to the post office, all while knowing that your effort won’t be immediately rewarded. 

While letters may generally be better suited for lengthier musings, postcards or regular greeting cards can serve as a quicker way of saying, “Hey, I’m thinking about you” while still bringing the physical element.

‍Send each other gifts/care packages. While shipping costs can be burdensome, the contents of the package don’t have to cost much. Just like receiving a letter, the act of receiving something physical that your partner put together can enhance feelings of connection, regardless of what the actual gift is. Below are some ideas that are less cost-prohibitive. 

• A piece of clothing (t-shirt, hoodie) with your scent on it
• Small objects like jewelry and trinkets that don’t take up much space/weigh much
• Printed photos (or Polaroids) and little stickers/drawings/art can be sent in an envelope for cheaper than shipping a package

‍Send each other voice notes and video messages. Frequent phone calls aren’t always possible for long-distance couples, especially for those with a significant time difference. However, hearing your partner’s voice is an intimate experience that is important for maintaining emotional connection from a distance. Voice notes or video messages are a great way to achieve this when phone calls aren’t an option. Furthermore, this method of communicating is similar to letter writing in that it asks the person crafting the message to reflect and therefore might encourage opening up, which will also lead to greater emotional intimacy. 

Plan virtual date nights/shared activities. Just because you and your partner aren’t together physically doesn’t mean you can’t go on dates! Putting in the extra effort to plan special activities occasionally – rather than just habitually “hanging out”, as is especially easy to do in longer-term relationships (distanced or not) – is important to keeping any relationship lively and joyful.

Tip: Immersion can make your virtual dates that much more fun and special. Treat your plans like a real date – because they are! Getting dressed up, decorating the space around you, bringing in props/snacks, etc. can help you and your help partner feel more grounded in the experience, which can help you connect with one another.

• Game night. Search and download multiplayer games, or screen share on ones that aren’t multiplayer and both partners can participate by making decisions together. There are many physical games that you can play together too if you both own them.
  
  • Game recommendations: Kahoot, Minecraft, Discord games, Sims, skribbl.io, Spaceteam, Bunch, Facebook Games, Headbands, Codenames
• Movie night. Get some movie theater snacks, put your pajamas on, warm your blankets in the dryer, get cozy! You can use Teleparty to watch at the same time or simply do a countdown and hit play together.

• Cooking/baking together. Before the date, have one partner choose a recipe, then make a shopping list with the needed ingredients and supplies. Both partners acquire everything that’s needed to prepare the meal, and then the partner who chose the recipe will go through the recipe step-by-step while the other partner follows along. You’ll not only get the experience of cooking together but also eating the same dish together at the end!
  
  • Tip: Using a meal prep service to order the same ingredients to both households could simplify the preparation for this date. Or, if it’s an option, the partner who chose the recipe can place a grocery delivery order for the person following along, so they don’t have to go out and do the shopping themselves. Both of these options will be a bit pricier but could be worth it for partners who have limited time & energy for the date prep.
• Takeout dinner date. If it’s an option, you can order from the same restaurant to enhance the feeling of sharing a meal. Or, for an extra fun twist – each partner can order a surprise meal to the other person via a delivery service. Partners should aim to have the meals delivered at the same time so they can be eaten together. 

• Virtual museum tours/escape rooms. Bonus: these are usually free! In the case of museum tours, you can either both pick a museum you’ve never been to, anywhere in the world – or you can take turns showing each other your favorite museums in your own towns.

• Get out and about. Just because you’re in a long distance relationship doesn’t mean you both have to be stuck at home all the time! Going out for a little shopping date (thrifting, book or record store, etc.) can be fun because it allows both partners to be involved in making decisions together. This probably works best if you switch off, with one person at a time doing the activity and the other person “tagging along”. This doesn’t mean the person tagging along has to be at home; finding some spots out of the house with a reliable wifi connection will give you the ability to switch up your environment a little bit.

• Crafting/working on projects together. Drawing, craft kits of any kind, building Legos, knitting/crocheting, writing stories together. The nice thing about this is you can choose to do the same or different activities depending on both of your interests!

• Watch a recorded concert or musical on YouTube.

• Give each other virtual tours of your town (or anywhere you know intimately). You can share your screen and use Google Earth.

• Share PowerPoint presentations. You may have seen friends throwing “PowerPoint parties” on TikTok; this idea is perfect for long distance couples! Basically, each person makes a PowerPoint on a topic of their choice and then takes turns sharing them. The topics can be silly or informative – whatever the person making the presentation finds interesting! 
  
  • Tip: One idea is for both partners to make a presentation in the form of a timeline that gives an overview of their life up until the present. This gives partners a chance to connect over sharing significant and personal moments from their lives. 
• “Visit” a new city together. Find a walking tour video for a city you’d both like to visit, share your screen and watch together.

• Play/watch Bandersnatch or other “choose your adventure” experiences. Bandersnatch is an interactive, “choose your own adventure” style film on Netflix. This adds an extra dimension to watching something together because you’re also both actively collaborating. Just a heads up – Bandersnatch is a pretty dark film, and many of the endings involve heavy themes. Other choose-your-own-adventure videos are available on YouTube for free as well!

• Have a party of two. Buy some party snacks/drinks, decorate the room, get dressed up, play some party games (drinking/smoking games are fun if you and your partner imbibe).
  
  • Party/drinking game recommendations: Truth or Dare, Never Have I Ever
• Take turns reading books aloud to one another

• Do a workout video together

• Watch TikToks/Instagram reels/YouTube together. Share your screen and take turns watching each other’s feeds or videos of choice.

• Take personality quizzes. Answer them individually and then compare results.

• Learn a skill/language online together. Or teach each other!

• Jar of questions. Both partners write a bunch of questions down on scraps of paper (deep, silly, whatever) and take turns drawing and asking each other

• Listen to music together. Start a shared listening session on Spotify or use PlugDJ.

Find ways to parallel play. “Parallel play” is a term first used to describe children playing separately next to one another without interacting, that has now been adopted for adult usage to refer to “doing our own things, but together”. Basically, it’s a way for people to enjoy each other’s company without engaging in the same activity and without the expectation of ongoing conversation. Being silent together requires a certain amount of comfort with one another, which is why I think it can be useful for building and maintaining intimacy in LDRs. Additionally, finding ways to spend time together without having to constantly entertain each other allows you to connect and be in each other’s lives in a way that requires less energy than formal dates or planned activities (a mix of both is great!) How you and your partner parallel play just depends on your specific interests and lifestyles. Really, the idea is just that you and your partner can do things that you’d normally do alone, but in the company of each other – like reading, studying, working, scrolling, individual hobbies, etc. 

Find ways to engage intimately/sexually. Physical intimacy bonds us to our partners, and long-distance relationships should not have to forgo this. Phone sex/video sex/sexting are all ways to keep your shared sex life active when you’re apart. Here are some tips for enhancing sexual connection:

• Watch/listen to sexy media together
• Create sexy media together – (when you do get to visit each other, take photos/videos together to look at when you’re apart)
• Send or leave personal items with the other person – pieces of your lingerie, a sample of your perfume/cologne, sexy printed photos or handwritten notes
• Send videos/photos/audio messages in additional to just text messages
• Use remotely connected touch devices/sex toys. Non-sexual devices like touch bands can help you feel physically connected more regularly. Remotely-operated sex toys are called teledildonics, and they can allow you and your partner to stimulate each other even from a distance. Matching sex toys that each person uses individually can also give the feeling of a shared experience.

Find ways to share your lives with each other. If you haven’t already, give each other tours of your homes and other important places where you spend your time. Meet each other’s pets (and have them meet each other) over video call. Introduce each other to your friends and family. Send each other pictures of what you’re doing. Of course, the plan is to eventually do all of these things in person as well, but the point is, you don’t have to wait until you can see each other in person to start sharing your lives with each other – which will bring you closer.

Long distance relationships may come with their own set of potential communication issues, but all couples have to learn healthy and effective communication at some point. Whether you and your partner live close to one another or not, being intentional about strengthening and maintaining your connection will set you both up for long-term fulfillment.

Michelle Cantrell, LPCC is the Founder and Clinical Director for the Center for Growth and Connection where we specialize in helping clients develop healthier, more satisfying relationships with others and with themselves. We offer telehealth and in-person appointments in Pasadena and Encino, CA.

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